Sure About That?

press DELETE

Press 'Delete', she did not.

Men's Wharehouse

"Garçon, coffee!"

HeMan has a Resume Too

Probably the overstatement of the day, at least.

Ayo Wheres Da Gabbagoo?

I guess you could say...

that this guy...





is keeping his wits about him.

STOP YELLING AT ME

He really didn't need to use all capital letters here. The only thing more annoying than seeing all caps on a resume is someone that uses pure lower case. I'm just waiting for the day somebody uses rAnDoM cAps.

Somebody Blow the Foghorn

          You know it's great that this guy got his resume critiqued. You really should since it's the only impression the person reviewing it will ever get of you. This guy could be the best employee I've ever seen, but I'm never going to know because holy shit is this resume awful. 

1) On top of everything else, nobody is ever going to read through 50 bullet points off a random resume.  

2) Do you know why? Because this guy didn't even read through his own resume before putting it out there (as you might have noticed). 

3) Some people wonder why they aint got no job.

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaat

Resumes are designed to sell yourself, not the other way around.

Geometry

A Nice Ass

Times New Roman Point 12

Not like this. Not like this.

Template Fail

I honestly don't know how that happened.

The Gayest Thing I've Heard Today

I called someone today.

His name was Julio.

He had a personal ringtone.

I'm guessing he doesn't know what the lyrics mean.

Less Than Three

"Linda's <3"

She put a heart. On her resume title.

IT'S OVER 9000 (strokes per minute)

"10000+spm"

That plus sign leaves me ever so intrigued.

WHY DONT YOU HAVE A PROFESSIONAL EMAIL?

You put your first name, then your last name and then an @ sign after it. 

You don't list yourself as 'baddestbitch'

or 'cuttiepie'

or 'puppetmaster'

 

At Least You Get A Tax Break

Basically his entire resume (it wasn't long) explains how he was incarcerated for five years, but was an armed security guard prior to that.

Home Sweet Home

"I am wanting to go back home."

His entire resume was IN BOLD.

Not Really Found on a Resume

"Please leave a message after the beep...happy new year"

It's August.

Well She Means Well

"make my work place a god environment"

Coworkers must love having her around.

C'mon, You Can Do Better Than That

"Bachlor’s Degree"

The red squiggly line means you're doing something wrong.

"An College Graduate"

This is an big failure on their part.

Bonus:

"Professional rainmaker"

I'd hire this guy, wouldn't you?

Hehehehehehe

"Backend Collector"

Hehehe. Backend.

Formatting is Cool

Trust me, this guy's resume looked like somebody shot a zebra.

He Doesn't Know

"i don’t no"

Well I don’t know either buddy, but I do know nobody is going to look at your resume with a title like that.

Shitty Resume Excerpts Part I: Shit I Find on Resumes

 Welcome to the shitty blog that features shitty resumes. Below are some gems that I've found via a number of sources over a long period of time of looking at shitty resumes.

"Serious Medical Assistant"

:| super srs face

"I WILL GIVE YOU 120%"

One-hundred and twenty percent. He will give it to you.

"The Chosen One"

Still don't know what the hell this one means.

"Persistant and Consistant"

More like consistently bad at spelling.

"Walking Blessing"

What?

"Casualty Producer"

Yes it was taken out of context. Yes it's still funny.